If You’re Focused on Finding the One, You’ll Likely Just End up With One of Many

Relationship gurus.

Have you ever wondered why these have become so popular? I have. Mainly because I’ve dated one. And the actual relationship — a total nightmare. In my own experience, by the time someone reaches the status of “thought leader” in love, they become their own worst enemy in love.

They try to coach when they should listen. Try to give answers because they think they have them all.

The problem with this is that no one has answers. So, if you’re following someone to help you find love, I think that you’re likely doing yourself a disservice.
 
Because the answer to every question [in life and in love] is quite simple.

It’s YOU.

And I don’t mean this in a self-love/narcissism-on-steroids kind of way, but more so, what feels right for YOU [in every area of your life]?
 
Take for example the natural attraction to celebrities. Who is your biggest crush? I know you’ve had at least one in your life, so go on. Dig in there. Find them. Think about them.
 
What makes them so hot? Beyond the fact that they’re famous? And, probably have some external qualities that make them appealing to the eye?
 
I’ll take a stab here and say that it’s because they do what they love.

And this isn’t just about celebrities — but, in general, artists, musicians, actors, etc. are perfect examples of people out there, following dreams and pursuing passions. 
 
They are immersed in creativity. They surround themselves with people who are immersed in creativity. They live their lives with a sense of curiosity and are constantly on a quest to find inspiration. Some of it works, and a lot of it doesn’t. But they’re out there pursuing any opportunity to create [and meeting tons of interesting people doing the same thing along the way].
 
That’s why they are so damn hot.
 
And, so what about you? If I went on a date with you tonight and asked you about yourself, would you be squirming? Sweating? Lost in your head with thoughts of where this is all going? Am I going to like you? Am I the one?
 
If this sounds familiar, then I’m probably not going to be the one. And, neither will the next person. Or the person after that. In fact, you’ll probably just stumble across another person, desperate to find love. A relationship. Any sense of intimacy that they so crave, because of the lack of passion they have in every other area of their own life.

Sounds attractive, right? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
 
Because attractive people are [already] passionate people. And passionate people are [already] in love. They are in love with inspiration. They are in love with curiosity. They are in love with taking risks. With discovering new things. With learning. With growing. And, when they opt to date, they want the same thing in a partner. They don’t NEED a person to love, because their life is already filled with love.
 
No one who is immersed in passion and love in their own life wants to introduce a partner into that life who is devoid of it. That would diminish every they created for themselves.
 
So, stop looking for answers. Stop thinking a relationship is where you will find love. Go out build one of those passion-fueled lives for yourself. Because, if you don’t, the people that do will continue to find one another. They will find their own version of the “one,” while you will simply find one of many. Or [more likely] what you’ll find is…nothing.

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